ASIA: you are Mary Stuart Masterson

Face it, Asian film industries, Hollywood will always be the rich cad just out looking for a good time, and you'll always be the ugly girl from the wrong side of the tracks. It's like a John Hughes movie except this time, after he gets what he wants, Eric Stoltz runs off with Lea Thompson and leaves Mary Stuart Masterson pregnant and sobbing disconsolately in her mobile home.

But delusional nuts with the personalities of punching bags are good at rationalizing even the worst case scenarios, and the web is humming with rationalizations today. Xinhua, China's official news agency, has this non-story on the release of STAR WARS III - REVENGE OF THE SITH and how tied in it is with China. Why do they think China should be proud of this movie? Well, it will open on May 20 in China, the same time as everywhere else! Also, Bai Ling is in it! And the director decided not to use any kung fu! And the scenery is based on Yunnan Province!

Reality sez: it's opening on then because George Lucas is terrified of scary Chinese video pirates. I don't know if Yunnan will be recognizable. And Bai Ling has been cut from the movie. (Thanks IMDB.com)

And then there's this non-story about the Bollywood remake of THE EYE, NAINA, screening at Cannes. Wow! What a great thing for Bollywood! Except the movie's screening in the market section, where anyone can drop in a film for a fee. And there's going to be full-page adverts in top movie magazines! Sure -- along with full-page ads for every el cheapo, straight-to-video production you can think of. I'm a little confused about when THE EYE became a Hollywood movie, however, although I sort of get their point.