TORONTO IS PROGRAMMED

The Toronto International Film Festival has finished announcing its entire line-up, and here's the SHOCKING! EXCITING! ALL TRUE! account of what's there:

CITIZEN DOG - Wisit Sasanatieng's colorful Thai confection is right out of Gogol with its story about lost love and missing fingers. It's earned mixed reviews but it looks fantastic and features an appearance by film writer, Chuck Stephens. How can you resist?

LINDA LINDA LINDA - Korean actress, Bae Doo-Na, stars in this Japanese flick about three high school girls starting a rock band and trying to learn one song.

THE PRESIDENT'S LAST BANG - a Korean movie about the assassination of President Park back in the 1980's, it's been slapped with a court injunction and forcibly re-edited, it's still managed to stir up plenty of trouble . Kino plans to release it this Fall in the US.

SUNFLOWER - Zhang Yang directs a family story set during the Cultural Revolution with visual consultant Christopher Doyle and starring Joan Chen.

THE WILD WILD ROSE - Cathay's 1960 musical version of CARMEN starring Grace Chang. Not so well known today, but ridiculously good.

TAKESHI'S - no one knows nothing about Takeshi Kitano's latest, except that he promises "500% Takeshi Kitano".

THE GREAT YOKAI WAR - programmer Colin Geddes says it's one of the wildest things Miike has done in a long time. A horror movie for children. Say no more.

BANGKOK LOCO - no one else loves this movie as much as I do, but if you're willing to take a chance you'll be treated to one of the best comedies to come out of Asia in a long time. Something of a send-up of the staid n'sincere Thai xylophone flick, THE OVERTURE, it also takes time out of its manic schedule to poke, kick and pinch every other Thai movie you've ever heard of and many you haven't.

SHA PO LANG - Donnie Yen kicks Wu Jing...a lot. Then he kicks Sammo Hung. Sammo Hung proceeds to kick him back.

SEVEN SWORDS - Tsui Hark's hack n'slash epic has earned mixed reviews but raked in a bundle in China. Now you can see it and judge for yourself.

SYMPATHY FOR LADY VENGEANCE - Park Chan-Wook finishes his revenge trilogy with this flick so now he can move on and make movies about people being nice to each other for a change.

THE MYTH - Stanley Tong and Jackie Chan's collaboration makes its world premiere at Toronto. Classy!

THE DUELIST - Lee Myung-Se just wants to break your eyes open and fry them up on the sizzling griddle of his wild visual sensibility. You just want to let him do it.

THE WAYWARD CLOUD - no one has much love for Tsai Ming-liang's latest, but come on. A musical about porn? We need more movies like that.