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November 28, 2005

WACKY JACKIE TALKS CRACKY

How come Saddam Hussein lips off to his guards about walking up four flights of stairs and it's international news, but when Jackie Chan warns Asians everywhere that Hollywood is coming to kill their children and implant microchips in their brains no one cares?

It could be because this is just one in a long line of recent "Jackie, please sit down and hush up before the few microns of cartilage left in your knees evaporates" statements from Jack-o (if you just woke up: Jackie on how the Hong Kong film industry isn't good enough, Jackie on how mean the press in Hong Kong is, Jackie on how lame Chinese audiences are) or it could just be because most of the world doesn't care that much about Jackie Chan anymore.

In true in depth Kaiju Shakedown fashion, however, let's delve into this topic and plumb its depths. Let's dissect Jackie's statements for meaning just like how we dissected poetry and frogs in college.

Jackie, in an interview with the Times of India, says, "Asians should unite against American cinema." Okay, can't argue with that.

Then he says: "Why do we need to ape their culture? I see an Indian saying 'Yo Man!' but that's not what Asians are about."
I hear you! I see an American ordering General Tso's chicken and I wanna be all, "That's not what America is about" too!

So now Jackie has his opponent reeling and he knows that this is the time to deliver a devastating verbal spin kick to the head and put his enemy on the floor. Hence:
"Cinema reflects culture and there is no harm in adapting technology, but not at the cost of losing your originality."

Oh, no, you didn't! Did he just say "originality"? Did the recently-signed star of the $600 billion RUSH HOUR 3, the star of THE ACCIDENTAL SPY, FIRST STRIKE, THE TUXEDO and WHO AM I? just say "originality"?

Wacky_jones Confused, I turned to the number one source of news about Jackie Chan: Jackie Chan's Kids Corner. But Jackie is no longer speaking on this website and his Golden Retriever, Jones, is handling questions instead. What does Jones have to say on this matter?

"Hello, my name is Jones. I am a Golden Retriever and I live with Jackie and his family in Hong Kong."

Yes, Jones, but will Jackie be able to put a positive spin on all the negative press he's been getting lately?
"I know that some of you out there are Jones fans and I want to make a place to visit with you."

Sure, sure, Jones, but Jackie's films seem increasingly bereft of new ideas. On the one hand he doesn't seem to have the lock on the Asian market that he used to, while on the other hand he seems to feel more and more uncomfortable with his lucrative but unfulfilling work in Hollywood. What can he do? Is there a third path for Jackie's career to take?
"I hope that you like my new clubhouse."

Oh, Jones...

November 28, 2005 at 08:46 AM in News | Permalink

Comments

Jackie is losing his touch, mainly because he's too critical of everyone but himself. Maybe it's time he looked in the mirror to show that he's not perfect. Some innovative ideas would be nice to show on film. It doesn't look like that at the moment

Posted by: Jerome | Nov 29, 2005 2:40:14 AM

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