BEHOLD THE SQUISHY RIDERS OF THE APOCALYPSE

Six foot wide, 400 pound jellyfish are breeding in Chinese and South Korean waters and oozing towards Japan in a jiggly wave. They can't kill anyone, they can barely even sting you, but they're clogging fishermens' nets and crowding out all the yummy fish.

I refer readers to the passage in Revelations:

"And behold! Another seal was opened and following upon the four riders was a great wave of fish made as of jelly, like beanbag chairs of blubber. And the snotty invaders will fall upon man and the works of man thereof and will lay waste to all his achievements and make as of dust all his dreams. For how shall a man be of good nature and enjoy the fruits of his labors and make of himself a godly man when a 400 pound pile of jelly sits upon his living room floor and jiggles ominously."