SALMAN KHAN GOES DIRECTLY TO JAIL

Salman Khan, Bollywood's dancing set of washboard abs with a bad reputation, has not only been found guilty of poaching black antelope but he's been sentenced to a year in jail. His lawyer plans to appeal, but inmates are reportedly cackling in glee at the thought of the ripped and pumped, popping and locking film star sharing their cellblocks.

Animal rights activists should also take heart. In 2003, Salman was out drunk driving when he ran over five homeless men who had made the mistake of going to sleep on the sidewalk, killing one and injuring the other four. That time he was sentenced to a hard-hitting 17 days in jail, a full 348 days less than he got for killing two protected antelope. Too bad no one's put homeless people on an endangered species list, but I guess the courts figured that there were plenty of homeless folks to go around and losing a few beneath the wheels of Salman's car wasn't such a big deal.

Ah, justice...your workings are a mystery to me.