FRIDAY IS FUN-DAY

"They don't like the feel of cold hard steel on their butts," says a Japanese teacher, explaining why many of his students won't use his school's unheated toilet seats. But the greater problem is that "most of these boys simply have no idea how men are supposed to dispose of their bodily wastes," he says, lamenting that too much pampering is raising a generation of men who can't use a urinal, don't flush, and will only "go" on a fancy toilet.

Someone who does like the feel of cold hard steel on his butt is this cab driver, caught on video beating the tar out of a passenger who upchucked in the back of his cab. The passenger retaliates by hugging the cab driver tightly and pulling down his pants.

You'll feel like upchucking when you hear the new plans of Bruce Lee's family to drag a little more cash out of Lee's death. Brother, Robert Lee, says he and his sibs plan to release a book this November and then a movie showing people the "real" Bruce Lee. Stephen Shin will direct and Robert, Peter, Agnes and Phoebe Lee will all participate. Didn't Betty Ting-pei do this already?

The big question is whether the Li'l Lees will squeeze money out of Bruce's corpse as hard as Andy Lau is squeezing Miriam Yeung's right breast in this photo? And how unhappy do Miriam's breasts make Andy? Look at his face - this is a man doing what a man must do. In an attempt to keep Andy happy and comfortable, Joey Yung reveals that she's lost weight recently and is now an A-cup.

Joey's cup-size isn't the only thing lost in Hong Kong, it turns out that Jackie actually did lose Jones, his dog, right before he got drunk and embarrassed himself at Jonathan Lee's concert. Maybe Jones had the good sense to run away in order to avoid having his ears stretched, but I think what really happened is that Jackie got rid of Jones and replaced him with this younger and softer Jones. Damn you, Jackie. Damn you all to hell.